Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Updating my blog is just as hard(?) as keeping a diary, which I haven't done for years. Maybe I shouldn't write when there is nothing to write about.

I had to bail out on the student project due to my inconsistent health problem. Quitting is totally against my personality, so it was a difficult decision for me, but considering what happened today, it was the right choice! The specialty doctor whom I had been dying to see for weeks cancelled the appointment with me today cancelled it at the last moment, due to an 'emergency operation.' I believe what I was told, but it's still a bummer. Speaking of emergency, I went to ER two weeks ago from Friday, crying my eyes out. ER was utterly useless except of taking my bloody $100 for letting me lying on their bed, listening to the misery of an 85 year old man in the same room over a partition. I firmed my resolution that I won't get sick no matter what the cost is if I can help...

Anyhow, my new appointment is this coming Friday, fortunately, not June 7th, which would be impossible for me because I'll be in Peru at that time. This doctor I'll see Friday actually holds the key to my Peru trip. If his verdict is no, I am doomed.

I have never felt that my life is not under my control at all as I do these days. I still believe in doing my best, but the situation like this completely baffles me. All I can do is saying the ancient mantra, "This shall pass.'' and breathe.

If you want to hear about my meeting two Korean male stars, Jang, Dong-gun and Lee, Jung-jae, either bug me or wait until I feel like talking about them.

A bientot.

Monday, May 15, 2006

It is 11:30pm, Monday.
Last week was a nightmare for me. My body revolted against me so severely that all I could do was just lying down on my stomach and crying... The worst moment is gone, but I can't relax yet.

We are so fragile; a splinter underneath your fingernail will take away your peace and toothache will keep you awake, shivering in your single dorm bed, all night long on a chilly night in Washington, D.C.

During the worst days, I was sure that my trip to Peru would have to be cancelled after all the trainings and a handsome amount of deposit! I even thought about finding someone else to go in my place...if it were ever allowed.

Now, I can contemplate to go to Peru once again because my body seems going back to its normal state. I'll see, but from now on, I won't take anything for granted. There are so many things beyond one's control and health is definitely one of them. Yes, you can work out and watch what you put into your mouth, but nonetheless, you can't activate or deactivate your involuntary muscles for example. My agony has involved one of those many, many involuntary muscles in a human body. Let me tell you, treat your body well and listen to its warning signs. Don't push too hard. Knowing when to retreat is a true virtue.

I am learning my lesson and hopefully I won't forget it when I am fully recovered.

Monday, May 08, 2006


Hmm, it is a quarter to 11pm Monday night. I just finished sending my news blurb to my web designer so that he can get closer to launch my site finally.
Personal website is a necessary evil these days for an actor or anybody who needs to promote or express oneself, I guess. Hopefully, my site won't become too wasteful or redundant...

Time to play a little bit of game to unwind and then, I'll go to bed to appease my body which is currently under attack from my own internal organs! I won't discuss details 'cause it's really not anybody else's concern, but the only thing I like to say here is "For any dieters, please, please listen to your body and respect it. Don't impose your psychological issues on your poor flesh!" In other words, don't repeat the "binging-starving" cycle because you think you're balancing it out. The result will be indescribably suffering as I am experiencing now. Oh, well, I am learning and the lesson fee is very, very high...

Good night, dreamers.

Welcome to my new blog, dear readers.

Did I say "new?" Actually, it's my first ever. I'll see how candid I can be on this page about me and my observations^^

Today, I went to an informercial audition in Manhattan Beach, which is about 35 miles south from where I live. Wow, it's 70 miles for a round-trip and it cost me $8 worth gasoline for the trip! Is there any guarantee that I will book the role? Of course not! You go there, hoping that you will be the one, and do what the casting director asks you to. Today, it was all about how beautiful my skin and hands would look on camera, with a bit of acting, fortunately(?). I had to mime application of cleansing cream on my face, washing it off with imaginary water, and towel dry gently, all along pretending to feel good about my replenished skin! Surely, these casting directors understand how sense memory works, right?

Oh, well, at least the traffic on 405 wasn't too bad; it was rather a real-freeway like for a change.

So, I'll continue to burn my share of gasoline and dream along as one of many, many struggling actors in L.A.